


The fastest way to clear out a room

by MelindaCoulson4



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 12:56:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14497449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelindaCoulson4/pseuds/MelindaCoulson4
Summary: Certain members of the team get a surprise they weren't prepared for. Philinda oneshot + post 5x17





	The fastest way to clear out a room

Dinner was going well, all things considered. They were down three teammates but they’d also somehow gained Talbot which was weird yet entertaining at times. Daisy was just trying to keep everything feeling normal, which is why she offered to make pizza. It turned out pretty good and so far there hadn’t been any complaints.

That is until Mack abruptly pushed his chair backwards and jumped to his feet, almost knocking the chair over in his haste. “What the hell!”

Everyone seemed to freeze in place. Hands raised above plates, cups stuck to lips, jaws locked mid-chew as they waited for Mack to explain himself.

“Okay…who just put their foot on my thigh?”

Daisy’s eyes buldged. It would not be a particularly significant occurrence if it weren’t for the fact that Yo-Yo was nowhere near the bunker, but she was continents away. So who would be putting their foot on Mack’s thigh?

“Daisy…that’s not funny,” Mack complained.

“What? It wasn’t me!”

“Oh yea, then who else was it?”

She looked at each person at the table, trying to come up with the culprit. Coulson, Deke, Talbot, and May, but no one appeared guilty. All she knew for sure is that she wasn’t the one who did it.

The whole thing became even more disturbing when she realized that the two people across from Mack were Talbot and Deke. Brain injured soldier or drugged up fool? It was easy to choose; Deke had to be the one.

“Don’t look at me…I’m not  _that_  high anymore,” Deke mumbled through a mouth full of crust. He was still recovering after the gunshot, but they’d significantly lowered his dosage. There were no more ‘loopy declarations’ as Piper had explained.

“It was me,” May said.

Everyone turned to May in surprise.

“You….?” Mack squinted at her with his mouth open, unable to form any other words as he stumbled back into his seat.

“I was off my target. I was aiming for Coulson. Sorry.” She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly as if they were all discussing the weather forecast.

Coulson choked on the sip of water that he’d just poured in his mouth. He coughed repeatedly, face turning bright red, unprepared for May’s bluntness.

Daisy glanced at Coulson, trying to piece together just what the hell was going on here.

He looked like a ripe tomato within seconds of May’s confession. The tips of his ears were even red. His eyes darted every which way, never focusing on one person, instead the pizza on his plate suddenly seemed much more interesting to him.

And was that sweat on his forehead? She realized that the blood hadn’t rushed to his face because he was choking, but because he was embarrassed.

“You were what?” Mack asked, taken aback by the words that had come out of May’s mouth.

No one could believe that May had purposefully tried to put her foot anywhere near Coulson’s crotch.

And honestly Daisy didn’t want to believe it either. That was a little too much.

Talbot slammed a fist on the table, making the ceramic plates clatter against the wood. “I knew it! Damn I’m good. Spill it Coulson!” He excitedly yelled and pointed at Coulson.

Coulson coughed loudly. Trying to either clear his throat or stall, probably both, Daisy thought. “May and I. Umm. May….. Melinda and I….we’re-”

“Having sex,” May finished for him devoid of shame.

“What?” Daisy’s eyes bulged at the words. Coulson and May were having sex and she didn’t even notice. How long has it been going on?

“What’s that now?” Mack asked, clearly unable to believe them.

“Finally!” Deke put his hand in front of Coulson’s face, gesturing for a high five.

“This is just a late April fool’s joke, right?” Mack continued questioning them like a small child refusing to believe that Santa is not real. He was clearly disturbed by the idea of Coulson and May being together without anyone knowing.

“Oh no those two are definitely rocking the boat!” Talbot added obnoxiously.

Oh god. That comment made images pop into her mind. Things that she did not ever need to think about. She can’t help the barf noise that comes from her thoat.

“It’s not a joke, Mack. Although it’s not just sex,” Coulson told them.

Daisy’s hands flew to her temples, clamping over both ears to muffle anymore potentially scarring phrases. “Okay ew…stop saying sex. I’ve heard that word one too many times from your mouth,” she said. To hear May say it once was traumatizing, but for Coulson to also say it was just gross.

This can’t be real.

“He’s right. It’s not just sex. I love him too,” May added, eyes softening significantly as she glanced lovingly at Coulson.

“Someone get these two a trophy and some condoms!” Talbot announced, throwing his head backwards and heartily laughing.

“Oh my God!” Daisy screeched, mortified by that comment.

“Alright I’m done.” Mack abruptly stood from his seat, tossed his napkin on the plate, and left the area.

“Dude…you killed the mood.” Deke shook his head at Talbot.

Daisy pushed herself from her seat and walked out, cringing. If only she could jump into the memory machine right now. She wished it was here, so she could wipe this whole conversation from her mind.

//end//

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) leave me something!


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